“How strange that Nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude!”
– Emily Dickinson
Just shoot me if you don’t like what I’m about to say. It’s just been my experience.
My heart has been lit on fire. The year of 2012 has been the same as the sun just breaking over the horizon at dawn. The previous 2 years have been the darkest of my life, but as I write this morning, I am more alive than I have been in my entire 26 years.
Seriously folks…this isn’t BS. I was a doubter of it all for…ohhh…25 years? What the hell are those religious zealots talking about? What is this self-love/karma/new-age crap?
Well…it looks that way until it is experienced. I get what they’re talking about now.
For starters, I started this Blog at the end of January – of THIS YEAR. That means I have been writing for approximately 2-2.5 months. That’s it. I am not being conceited here, or overly self-involved, but I won’t let an attempt at appearing humble get in the way of being honest.
Hell…isn’t the true meaning of the word “Humility” an honest and accurate self-knowledge? OK then.
So I’ve always been a decent writer. I got A’s in both college writing classes (that’s right, I only took 2. I was a science major, folks). I enjoyed writing as a youth, but was the furthest thing from an “English nerd” that you could find. I was your classic insecure, immature, mischievously rebellious adolescent/young adult. Couple that with a roll of the “genetic dice”, and I ended up as an alcoholic before I could legally drink.
Somehow, by the grace of God, I graduated college (even excelled, being inducted into academic fraternities and all this crap). I entered my nursing career, and quickly blossomed. God gave me the gifts of empathy, intuition, compassion, excellent processor speed in my cerebral cortex, and a great smile.
I was on my way up, until I came crashing down. Thank God for that experience.
As I told you at the beginning of this post, this year has been synonymous with a “Sunrise” in my life. I have awakened to all that life has to offer. I only started writing 2 months ago. I had a failed relationship around Valentine’s Day, and was heartbroken for all of 2 days before God gave me a little nudge.
Nothing, NOTHING happens by coincidence. I find my creative spirit. I discover self-love. I begin reconnecting with old friends. I continue to play in the garden (Oh, I love to be outdoors).
Well, I may not have the “Midas touch“, or a “Green thumb“, but I can tell you that whatever fire has been lit in my heart is not visible only to myself.
Every flower, every vegetable has grown healthy, has bloomed so large that it’s container is hardly able to perform its job! My dogs cannot run to see me fast enough in the morning, and I am covered in kisses on both of my cheeks. I have conversations with my parents that bring me to tears on a daily basis. Whenever a friend calls, I cannot help but talk on the phone for nearly an hour, and by the time our conversation is over, I can tell their heart is blazing with inspiration too.
I have learned I have a gift of inspiration. I have a gift of writing. I am able to give words to metaphors and stories – so I guess I have the gift of teaching as well. I am detail oriented, but very aware of the big picture too. I have a scarred history that gives me a perspective and an appreciation for all of humanity, all struggle. I have spiritual rocks in my life that have carried me for the last decade – my parents, my sister, my closest friends, my counselor.
Again…I’m writing all of this NOT to be conceited, only to say – “I’ve noticed. I get it.” God has plans for me; what – I have no idea. I don’t care about money, I am actually completely content living with my parents in the room over the garage, with my library of books, my iPod of classical music, my recliner, and my Keurig coffee maker. I don’t care about notoriety. I don’t care if anyone knows my name.
What is my purpose? My passion?
I want every human being I come in contact to realize they are capable of self-knowledge, self-awareness, and in turn, self-love. I have found that through self-love, I was able to come full circle. I was able to discover God.
He wasn’t in the stars or the clouds, though His presence can be felt through them. Once I made this connection, once I started writing and fostering this connection, once I began sharing more about this spark – it has only continued to burn brighter!
I am not a Spiritual guru, and I have little to no psychological background. I only have my life experiences and the gifts God has given me.
Think about it, the most beautiful flower must stay dormant through the harsh winter. The most beautiful flower starts with the same seed as all the others. If it is given the right blend of nutrients, and if nature decides to nurture it with the right blend of Spring Sun and humidity…nothing can stop that flower from blooming.
And what is it about flowers? The simple beauty, a reminder, they are nature’s metaphor.
God was a creator. What a disgrace to ignore the creative spirit within myself for so long. In fact, I was inspired to write this after spending no more than 10 minutes in my garden this morning.
I don’t what’s happening. I don’t know where I’m headed. All I can promise is that I will continue to write, I will continue to be real, and I will continue to be open to whatever life has to throw my way….